Belief without Anxiety
All praise is due to God. We are once again in the month of Rajab, which means that it's officially Ramadan season. It was at this time of year that the Messenger of God ﷺ would pray, "O Allah, bless us in the months of Rajab and Sha'ban, and deliver us into Ramadan." These next two months are a time to seek God's blessings so that we may enter the month of fasting with hearts that are prepared to receive rewards so immense that they can only be known to God.
The Prophet ﷺ also said of this month that "Rajab is the month of Allah, Sha'ban is my month, and Ramadan is the month of my community." This gives us some direction on how we ought to be using this time. Sha'ban is an excellent time for increasing our salutations upon the Prophet; Ramadan is when we gather to break our fasts and listen the recitation of the Qur'an. But how can we celebrate the month of Allah? What can imperfect, needy creatures like ourselves offer that is actually worthy of One who is transcendent and without need?
In last year's Rajab article, I wrote about tawba, or the act of turning back to God. What better way to celebrate the month of Allah than by turning away from our imperfections and to to our Lord who is perfect? Tawba, as I mentioned last year, is a profound act of hope because we must truly believe that God's mercy is greater than our sins and shortcomings--that it is easy for Him to forgive us no matter what we have done or what we have been through. This is the essence of the takbir, the statement of "Allahu Akbar", that we say during our prayers and other moments of victory. Tawba is a celebration of Allah.
I also mentioned in that article that anxiety over our sins is what holds many of us back from genuine tawba. This is a natural pitfall for any believer, to become so focused on our misdeeds that we forget the mercy of God. However, I have noticed another form of anxiety in many Muslims over the past year that is far more paralyzing: anxiety about God Himself. This is different from the shortsighted view that we might be excluded from God's mercy; it is the belief that God is not fundamentally merciful, that He primarily dispenses judgement and punishment. Usually, this belief is coupled with the assumption that this is precisely what we deserve because of our flaws and imperfections.
The seriousness of this anxiety did not strike me until very recently, when I was watching the latest season of Ramy. In the second to last episode, Ramy, who is struggling with a sex addiction, says something incredibly profound: "my parents say they believe in God but I think they're just... anxious about God. And I am too and it pushes me to do all this stuff and now I have a problem." This scene was an epiphany for me because I not only saw many of our community members at Taleef in Ramy, but I also saw a diagnosis of the issue that afflicts them.
Ramy is correct: true belief in God is not anxious in nature. Belief is more than giving a thumbs up to the question of whether or not God exists. There is an essential emotional dimension to it. The word iman, which we translate as "belief," or "faith," might just as easily translate to "trust." We can see this in the nickname of the Prophet ﷺ, which comes from the same root, al-ameen, "the trustworthy one." In chapter 95 of the Qur'an, God refers to Makkah as hadha balad al-ameen, "this land of safety and security." To truly believe in God is to trust in God. Belief in God ought to make us feel good, to lift our spirits, and to comfort us in moments when we despair of ourselves. Mere rational belief without this emotional connection will always end in anxiety because, in the end, we are still left to ourselves. We remain limited by our shortcomings rather than liberated by God's ability to forgive us.
Fortunately, the way out of this predicament is the same as the way into it. God tells us in a Hadith Qudsi, "I am as My servant thinks I am." Our opinion of God can either be the source of trust or anxiety. And while changing our opinion of God may not be easy, it is straightforward. God continues in this hadith, "I am with them when they make mention of Me. If they make mention of Me to themselves, I make mention of them to Myself; and if they make mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of them in an assembly better than it. And if they draw near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to them a cubit, and if they draw near to Me a cubit, I draw near to them a fathom. And if they come to Me walking, I go to them running." The beauty of this hadith is that, while we do have to make the first move to have a better opinion of God, we do not have to do most of the work. God swoops in to uplift the one who calls upon Him like a parent who hears the cry of their child. Our cry can be as simple as repeating the name of Allah a few dozen times when we wake up, or after our prayers. It may also be a litany that we receive from a teacher. What you will see is that the results far outweigh your efforts.
Trust deepens with experience that affirms it. Start with the remembrance of God this Rajab and you will be amazed at your state as you enter Ramadan. The paralysis of turning to Him will begin to leave you, and it will become an occasion of joy and hope. May God bless us in Rajab and Sha'ban, and deliver us into Ramadan. Ameen!